Courage? Maybe a little...

It has come to my attention that maybe, just maybe the reason I post so much about celebrities, poetry, and quotes is because I am afraid to open up, to be judged un-worthy. I read this blog called perpetually pregnant and she is amazing and courageous to be so outspoken about her problems. I am so in fear about having my family or friends read this blog, that I can't always bring myself to be honest, to be open. So I am going to give it a shot and open up at least a little, you with me?! I am lazy, procrastinating, perfectionist. Doesn't make sense, you say? Well you would be right, I get so confused with myself, that most often then not I give up before even starting. I have this inner burning desire to make people like me, to make sure that I never offend, because I am afraid that without other peoples approval, I would be empty. It still amazes me how much I love myself, how much respect and caring I have and yet I truly hate myself. I think I am a failure, I need men's approval to think of myself as attractive. That makes no sense to me, how I can have NO self confidence and yet be so assured? Anyone else think I need therapy? I tried it and apparently failed at that too, I couldn't "nurture" my inner-child, or some such crap. Okay so here comes a confession, the reason I started posting any poetry at all was because I wanted to sneak mine in without telling anyone it was mine, so that if it sucked, well no one would know that it was MY sucky poetry. Apparently though I have some courage left in me after all, I will post future poems and will take the credit be it good or bad.