I Dream Of...

Okay, so I am not sure if I will have a chance to post tonight so I figured I might as well do it while I have the time. Since I have posted some "gossip" it is now time to post some personal stuff. :-) I find it very hard for me to write something that I feel is honest and lyrical without writing it as a poem or something similar. So since I seem to have a hang-up or writers block and since it's just a little to early for liquor I will just post another poem and hope this one doesn't put anyone to sleep. I wrote this poem because it is often a "thing" that I feel, this alone-ness that separates me from other people,e from other groups. My mom is adopted and we don't know who the biological parents are and my mother doesn't know who my father is, so I am kinda up in the air when it comes to heritage or ethnic background. What's really fun is going to any new doctor and having no answers for the family background questions, and THEN having to explain my white trash background. It always gets me a smile, those lovely pity, half embarrassed, "oh I have to get out of here fast" smiles. So after all the garbage I give you I Dream Of... I have no people to call my own No culture or heritage to write about My people do not struggle And I have no history I am alone in time Walking aimlessly through pages Relating to no one Asking and Begging to be a part of something Can I be your sister? Can I sing your songs? Can I eat your food? But I do not belong I have no place, no people, no home What I want is to know myself To wrap myself in saris and kimonos To speak a language that has been spoken for centuries To cook food filled with spice and history To hear elders sing their song of sorrow And tell their tale of joy To hear the wolves call out to me And the wind whisper my name But I do not belong The wind is silent And the huts are empty I am alone sitting on the red clay dirt As the fire is smoking And the night is hushed I call out in my voice And receive no reply I look at my skin And wonder its origins I wonder and dream of a place where I am welcomed A place where they sing to me Where they wrap me in their silks and woven cottons Where the women's wrinkles tell of their life And of their accomplishments Where the men's grainy laughs echo in the caves And the children run free Safe in the knowledge of who they are And As I lay in the grass I can feel the dew, Smell the rich dirt The sky is filled with millions of stars And the wind is caressing my skin I dream of a time when the earth welcomes me When the sky embraces me And the wind carries my dreams When the moon looks down upon my face And blesses me with a past