Sometimes We Just Have To Be Brave
Okay so I posted a few poems before and I finally decided to just screw it and post another one, even though the thought of it feels me with dread. Now please don't misunderstand and think I seriously go searching for people, but I do have these feelings that I have to overcome. This poem is about me not feeling good enough and depending on other people to fill me up, to make me feel worthwhile.
The Next High...
I feel so low
So unintereting
So unattractive
Unwanted
Is that why I need you to love me?
I need someone to build me up
Because I don't know how
Can I ask you sir...
How much do you think I am worth?
Because in my heart I'm afraid I'm worth nothing
I search to find the one thing that makes me different
That makes me unique
Since I can't find it, can you?
I search inside but find nothing but self-loathing
I can't seem to see the light
Thoughts, doubts, worries
Always run through my mind
Did you see that sir?!
Was it good enough?
I'm not sure
So if you could tell me
I can figure out how much I'm worth today
I need everyone to love me
So that I can love myself
Every person I come across I need their affecation
To know that they like me
It gives me a high
This soaring feeling of self-worth
Knowing that today right now
I am someone to somebody
I am worthwhile and interesting
Unique
But the feeling crashes
And I am on a search for the next fix,
The next high
Excuse me, sir?
Do you like me?
Do you love me?
Am I pretty?
Sir!
Please answer me, I need to know
How worthwhile do you think I am?
Ohhh okay, thank you
And that feeling
That soothing feeling of acceptance
Slides over me filling each corner with light
Warm light
But it is a high that is never satisfied
I am never full
I can never get enough
And so I move on
Searching for the next person
The next high...
V.S.Mattson
posted by Virenda at
1/27/2006 01:56:00 PM
7 Comments:
Beautiful. It's funny - the older we get, the more we realize how alike we all are. All searching for acceptance.
I hope you know you're loved. I really do. Not only by myself, your family, your extended family, but by someone muuuuch more important.;)
Thank you Lena, I do realize it, I just have to keep "pushing" back the bad thoughts. Thanks
That someone who is much more important is the only reason why I am as healthy as I am, the only reason my children are emotionally stable and the reason that my life is good.
isn't it odd how some people think of theirself as better then others and yet some never feel worthy?
and some go thru all their life feeling "not good enough"...
Virenda,
I may seem ultra confident to you, but I'm exactly the same on the inside...just as insecure, and just as needing of approval.
You have a beautiful soul.
Thank you... I appreciate the support and I am trying to be better and in a lot of ways I am. What can i say I'm a work in progress. :0)
Virenda - I know that we have never met in person. But I feel a connection to you that I wouldn't ever be able to explain. I can only start to describe it by the way your internal and external beauty radiates and that I'm able to absorb it somehow. You tease me sometimes about always having my mind on girls. I say that with you I feel open and able to communicate, even about girls, where with others and at other places I don't feel I have a freedom to communicate. Because of you I feel that freedom. Don't keep "pushing" back the bad thoughts. Let them out and let them go, forever.
:0) Thanks Tige.
I'm glad that you feel "free" and open enough with me to talk about your love of other women. Brings a tear to my eye.
~sigh~
LOL, okay all joking aside, thank you very much. Not only for reading my "crap" but for coming back and getting more. ;0)
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